Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
