They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Houston, we have a blender
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
