my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
