it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can you repeat that, but with context?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
