It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
