what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
