its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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