true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
