i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
