Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
