You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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