Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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