Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
