bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
