ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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