I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
