woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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