sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
