have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
