Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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