I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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