Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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