I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
