I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
