I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
