the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
