were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
