In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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