apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
