Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
