he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She told me I should be a condom model.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
