apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
