He asked to "fluff my boner.."
4 words: hood of his car
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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