She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
