He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
