Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Can you bring me the toilet please
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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