It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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