oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
