i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
