please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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