Whod you bang
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
