: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Randomize
