if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
