It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
