He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i think im in europe. pls send help
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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