I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
