Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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