I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
