At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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