Texts From Last Night

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  (760): View more from California

  What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo

  (619): View more from California

  Cremation, why do you ask?

  (760): View more from California

  I think we have a bit of a problem

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  (760): What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo (619): Cremation, why do you ask? (760): I think we have a bit of a problem http://tfl.nu/6d26
  Replies (15) Good night (1262) Bad night (1714)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.

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  (413): Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke. http://tfl.nu/75mi
  Replies (48) Good night (2442) Bad night (936)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub

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  (503): you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub http://tfl.nu/rmdg
  Replies (10) Good night (825) Bad night (5882)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack

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  (540): then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack http://tfl.nu/52qh
  Replies (14) Good night (1645) Bad night (3347)
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  (310): View more from California

  once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there

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  (310): once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there http://tfl.nu/icqv
  Replies (36) Good night (911) Bad night (9753)
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  (516): View more from New York

  and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants

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  (516): and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants http://tfl.nu/bet3
  Replies (14) Good night (14338) Bad night (1145)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.

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  (484): We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break. http://tfl.nu/ezuj
  Replies (9) Good night (4081) Bad night (749)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.

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  (617): I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while. http://tfl.nu/clpn
  Replies (15) Good night (4562) Bad night (1509)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.

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  (413): Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor. http://tfl.nu/leq0
  Replies (12) Good night (4365) Bad night (1720)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...

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  (715): I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life... http://tfl.nu/7li7
  Replies (6) Good night (1494) Bad night (1312)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?

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  (417): Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off? http://tfl.nu/54ro
  Replies (4) Good night (715) Bad night (1889)
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  (450): View more from Quebec

  If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.

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  (450): If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/1adz
  Replies (12) Good night (1411) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night

  (434): View more from Virginia

  then apparently I went "not bad" and continued

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  (434): I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night (434): then apparently I went "not bad" and continued http://tfl.nu/4s21
  Replies (0) Good night (670) Bad night (417)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.

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  (+44): Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms. http://tfl.nu/2jzl
  Replies (7) Good night (717) Bad night (299)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.

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  (740): Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people. http://tfl.nu/9aw0
  Replies (6) Good night (696) Bad night (327)

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