why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.