Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I wish my penis had an off switch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I wish my penis had an off switch http://tfl.nu/bdrc
  Replies (5) Good night (831) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.

  (817): View more from Texas

  I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house. (405): Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box. (817): I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift. http://tfl.nu/erp5
  Replies (103) Good night (1407) Bad night (2891)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in http://tfl.nu/mb19
  Replies (9) Good night (969) Bad night (3299)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?

  (1-301): View more from Maryland

  hey.....beach week happens

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ? (1-301): hey.....beach week happens http://tfl.nu/0seh
  Replies (18) Good night (4625) Bad night (1323)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts... http://tfl.nu/9w6o
  Replies (22) Good night (2696) Bad night (6846)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me. http://tfl.nu/nie2
  Replies (9) Good night (3932) Bad night (1003)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had. http://tfl.nu/a3aj
  Replies (13) Good night (3665) Bad night (1780)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina http://tfl.nu/jm59
  Replies (10) Good night (3366) Bad night (1147)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm. http://tfl.nu/vdhu
  Replies (15) Good night (4903) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy http://tfl.nu/ff3b
  Replies (6) Good night (890) Bad night (620)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms! http://tfl.nu/g8iv
  Replies (3) Good night (1089) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead http://tfl.nu/kczi
  Replies (4) Good night (915) Bad night (343)
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook." http://tfl.nu/v50o
  Replies (7) Good night (1753) Bad night (427)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma. http://tfl.nu/kebr
  Replies (0) Good night (1043) Bad night (316)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties. http://tfl.nu/apy4
  Replies (4) Good night (1053) Bad night (343)

Randomize