Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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