Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.