Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila