Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
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Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
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I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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