I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
