they need to just BURY HIM!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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