Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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