Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
