i jhust puked up my retainher.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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