I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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