He disabled his match.com account in front of me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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