I'm going to jail i love you
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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