i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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